Talking about intuition, trusting yourself to fail and taking the next step.

Dear friends, 

Welcome to the first video installment of Thursday Tips and Tools for Soul-Led Living.

Last Friday I was coached live on Facebook by a friend and colleague Adam Quiney (https://adamquiney.com/). 

If you are interested, you can watch the video re-cap of him coaching me on Adam's Facebook Page here.  

What came out of it was a commitment by me to be more visible in sharing myself and my work with the world. He challenged me to share three live videos online this week, and I agreed. 

Monday I did my first live video. You can check it out here. It was a little rough around the edges, but I did it. That's the most important thing when it comes to following our soul's truth: that we take the action, not that it's perfect. 

Yesterday, I did my second live video. Its the one I'm sharing with you in this post. You can watch it by clicking on the animated photo of me above, or by clicking HERE. I hope you give it a listen!

In it I talk about listening to our intuitions, trusting ourselves to fail and taking the next step. I also share with you the story of a dream I had and the message it had for me that inspired the video.

Key take-aways from the video are:

1. If you trust your intuition you will be prepared to step where you have not stepped before, where you will likely fail, but you will be prepared to handle it.

2. In trusting yourself to handle failure you can keep going, and that's when the Universe/Source/Divinity within you shows up and starts to co-create with you.

3. You have to actually take the step first.

4. Your inner truth will always only ask of you to take the next little step.

5. The next little step will be scary, but also one that you are adequately prepared for and can navigate and come out to the flow on the other side.

My question for you is: Where in your life are you avoiding taking the next step?

Check in with yourself. And then take the step.

Trust yourself. You can handle it. 

I hope you enjoy the video. Feel free to comment on this post and let me know your thoughts! I'd love to hear from you.

And, if you are interested in tuning in for more of my live videos I will be doing another Facebook Live this Friday at 9:00 a.m., and every Monday, Wednesday and Friday next week also at 9:00 a.m. (and possibly beyond)! Come join in the fun!

xo,
Danielle

I eat the stars
Bright white and foreign
Sharp
Electric

I am not used to such
Exuberance in my esophagus

The twinkling
Is a fire
Like no other

A perfect jolt for my restless and long-silenced
Voice

I eat the stars
Those crunchy
Truth-tellers
Creating small explosions in my mouth

Reminding me that I have taste buds for a reason
Those detectors of the delicious

Awake now and demanding once again
That I bite into something juicy and salivating

I eat the stars
And for days
I am literally
On
Fire

I tell you this
As I run shrieking and streaking with delight
The heat is simply too much for my regular attire

I eat the stars
Bright white and foreign

So that I can remember
What it was like to be alive
In the heavens

Shining hope
Into the darkness
Of a deep black night

Dear friends, 

It's Thursday! (For those of you who have, for better and worse, lost all track of the days of the week and of time.)

This week I hit a bit of a slump. The recent changes to my day to day life, and the uncertainty in the world caught up with me. I have been allowing some older patterns of avoidance and self-criticism to occupy my time and my thoughts. 

I am noticing both how draining it is to not have compassion for myself, and also how far I have come in transforming that deep set belief of not good enough. It used to take me out almost daily. Now it only shows up in times of large scale trauma and uncertainty. 

The truth is we are all facing our fears right now on some level, however they show up for us. We are facing the fact that we have so little control and so big an impact. The responsibility of it can be crushing. The pull to avoid and numb out can be strong. 

This is why my practice this week has been radical self-love. Simply expanding to allow myself my experience even when its hard. Especially when its hard.

When the judgment and the shame shows up, that's when I love myself harder. All the way down to the core where my inner child is throwing a tantrum. She just wants to be picked up and held. She just wants to be told that she will be safe and she will be loved, no matter what. 

Practicing expansive love for myself is something I have complete control of. No one can take that away. This is the place I return to when so much has been swept into uncertainty. 

In times of transition it is the small step taken in a new way that makes possible the large scale transformation. If you want a more kind and loving world for yourself and your loved ones when this is over, practice loving yourself and your loved ones that way today. 

If you are panicking, if you are scared, if you are grieving, if you are lost, if you are so angry your blood is boiling, just pause. 

Step outside yourself for a moment. Don't shame yourself or beat yourself up. Don't make yourself wrong. Hold yourself like you would a child having a tantrum and let the emotions run out. They will run out. And you will find yourself on the other side, holding yourself lovingly still.

You will find that you not abandoning yourself in the times when it is hard, is actually the miracle you are looking for.

When you love yourself in the face of your fear, you take back your power from the fear, and from those who would use your fear to hurt you. When you love yourself in the face of your fear, you cannot be controlled. You cannot be manipulated or coerced. You cannot be tricked (even by yourself) into behaving in ways that harm yourself or others.

When you love yourself in the face of your fear, you regain a sense of sovereignty over your own being, and you realize that it is this sovereignty that you were missing most, even more than visiting your friends, a regular paycheck or eating out.

When you can trust yourself to love yourself in the face of your fear, you regain a sense of peace. You remember that you can still choose, and you are still free.  

With love,

Danielle

The Kingdom of ordinary time has left us.

Leaving us in this
in between world.

Things aren’t as they were,
yet, they aren’t
as they will be, either.

We sit here and wait
grasping at the way it was
in our darker moments;
willing it to return.

Willing the sedation of ordinary time
to ease the anxiety of this unknown.

Death is coming.
We know.

How we will face her,
and what will rise from her ashes,
is what is we don’t.

This is always the case with death.
She is always coming.
She always is, where life is.

What is the death that is here, now, then?
That is the question.

Is it death of our freedoms?
Is it death of our heath?
Is it death of those we love?
Or is it death of the destructive systems that have been suffocating us, and the Earth?

Do we get to choose?
Do we want to?

Death always feels the same,
no matter how it looks;
no matter what greater truth it serves.

Still, to me, and my hopeful heart,
the kind of death we are in matters;
as does the kind of phoenix that will return.

And so, I sit here,
wet-eyed and wild-hearted
in the 3 a.m. light of the moon.
I ask her: Do I get to choose?

Yes, she whispers back,
but only for you.

Only, for you.

The Queendom you seek is within you:
the beauty and the peace.

You get to choose for you,
what kind of death this is,
and what kind of life will be.

You get to choose for you,
but not for everybody,
the kind of world that will be.

One thing that I am noticing about this time is that we are being invited to face how powerful we are, and to take responsibility for that power.

The invitation is a strong one.

We are living in a time when standing too close to your neighbour could result in their death, or the death of someone they love. On the other hand, choosing not to join one single group gathering could save numerous lives.

We are being asked to face the fact that our individual impact is. that. huge.

Life or death.

I am that powerful. So are you. And so is every single human being out there.  

There can be no denying it.

We impact each other. We always have.

The only difference is now we can see it. The stakes are raised. The consequences are front and centre. We cannot pretend like we are separate, self-contained individuals. We cannot pretend like our personal actions do not matter.

At least not right now when they so obviously and excruciatingly do.

This is often what it takes for us to be willing to take responsibility for our actions and to make a change. We have to feel what it is costing us. In real time.

Right now, the pain of changing our behaviour to a slower, more solitary life is less than the pain of continuing on with the busyness.

Rarely do we have this kind of mirror put in our faces showing us the impact of our everyday grind.

Usually the impact of our busy lives is only the potential of burnout, failed relationships, and regret some time in the future. While the consequences have been getting closer (i.e. burnout, drama-filled relationships and existential crises are happening at all ages, not only death bed, or mid-life), it has still been possible to say: “Not me, I’m different. I can do it all. I can hack it.” Not anymore.

We can no longer believe the lie that this culture of busyness is working.

The thing about viruses is that everyone can carry them. While some may not be hit as hard physically, we can all be silent killers. Not one of us gets to say “not me, I’m different”.

For many of us this level of personal responsibility is a hard pill to swallow.

Yet, that is what is being asked of us. We are being asked to acknowledge the power that we all have as humans to impact each other and the Earth in life and death ways, and to take RESPONSIBILITY for it, by acting in ways that take into account our personal impact.

Paradoxically, we are also being asked to face our powerlessness to the unseen forces of Truth and Justice that flow through all Life.

A more sustainable future is coming, whether we like it or not.

Transformation of the status quo is coming, whether we like it or not.

We cannot control the Covid-19 pandemic in the ways we would like to. We cannot tell it to stop, or to go away, or to leave us alone. When it showed up, we had no way of killing it off, or otherwise preventing it from harming us. In many ways we were powerless to its impact, and its spread.

We have now tried many ways to control it, and we may eventually succeed in developing some measures that keep it check, or limit its ability to harm us.

But so far, the measure that has worked the best has been for each of us to take responsibility for our own power, and to act in a way that benefits the whole: to stop, self-isolate and limit the spread.

I do not think this is a coincidence.

We are being asked to remember that while we may be powerless in the sense that we often understand power (the ability to exert force over and control), this is not the true definition of power.

We are being asked to remember that true power looks like taking responsibility, not exerting force.

So no, we do not get to control this pandemic, but we do get to choose who we will be in the face of it.  

This is the choice we each have, and each of our decisions matter.

Will we take responsibility for our personal power and begin acting in ways that take into account our impact on each other and the Earth?

Or will we choose to go down fighting against forces more powerful that us, for a status quo that imprisons us more than it serves?

Will our choices bring about our own destruction, or will we surrender to the deeper thread of Life and find a way to create a place for humanity in the more beautiful world that is being birthed?

These are the questions that we need front and centre in our conversations about how to approach Covid-19, and other global crises, going forward.

We are ready for this transformation.

Whether or not we think we are, whether or not we like it, and no matter how scary it may seem. We must leap.

We must leap into the uncertainty and find a new way. A new way to listen. A new way to make decisions. One that takes into account our true power, and the impact we have on each other and the Earth.

We must learn to tap into our own truth. We are not separate from the deeper thread of Life, that is asking for our transformation. It is a part of us.

If we are willing to pause and to go deep within ourselves and listen, we will find we already know just what to do. We know how to take responsibility for our own power. We know how to take our impact on all Life into account because we are connected to it.

We know how to choose differently. But, will we? Will you?

This is the question that each of us gets to answer for ourselves in the quiet of our own hearts.

Will you make a commitment to yourself here and now to align your actions with the deeper thread of Truth and Justice that flows through all Life?

Will you devote yourself to your own personal transformation?

Will you learn to trust in your own deepest truth?

Only you can answer these questions.

That is the gift and the curse of being human: we always get to choose.

So, if you are willing, get really quiet now. Go deep within yourself.

And ask yourself: What do I choose?

Xo,

Danielle

Today’s message is simple.

It may not be an easy one to practice, especially in the midst of the uncertainty and real suffering of many people dealing with the outbreak of the COVID-19 virus. But it is a good one. A sanity-preserving one. And I would argue a necessary first step to doing anything truly helpful or productive.

It is this: Give yourself permission to be where you are at with it.

That’s it.

Are you sick?

Are you afraid?

Are you panicking?

Are you judging those who are?

Are you frustrated with people hoarding basic necessities?

Are you worried about elderly loved ones, or about how you will pay your rent?

Are you grieving real loss or the possibility that loss could easily occur?

Are you saddened and depressed by the state of humanity and our impact on the world?

Do you see this as natural population control; and wish everyone would stop pretending like we are above other species and the processes of the natural world?

Are you seeing the silver linings in the forced pause and wishing others would stop focusing on the sh*t?

Do you think this is a gift on a spiritual level; an opportunity for us all to step into a new level of consciousness where we begin to treat ourselves, each other and the world with the kindness and can more freely shine our light?

Or perhaps you are feeling righteous about the fact you knew this (and other chaos-inducing events) was coming and frustrated that few have been willing to take you seriously when you tried to share about another way that this (the trajectory humanity) could go?

Are you saddened that it takes a global crisis for people to be willing to pause and consider the impact they have on those around them, and the world?

Are you feeling hopeless?

Are you just bored?

Whatever it is you are feeling, experiencing or thinking allow yourself to have it.

Try to find compassion for yourself. Allow yourself to have your initial reaction.

Don’t necessarily act on it, but let yourself have it.

Find a way to let the thoughts and the emotions out in a way that also lets others have their space to process. Write it out. Call and friend and ask to vent.

Be responsible with where you direct your thoughts and feelings, yes. But don’t stop yourself from having them.

Let them be valid. Give them voice (if only to yourself).

And in the space that follows, you will find your deeper truth.

You will find the place in you that knows just what to say, and just what to do.

Give yourself permission to be where you are at with all of it.

Not as the answer, but as the way to a new way forward.

One guided by your own deepest inner truth.

Trusting you, and loving you where ever you are at with all of it.

xo,

Danielle

Today I am going to tackle a question that we would all love the answer to.

How do you win against fear?

How do you move forward when you know your own truth but are afraid to pursue it?

How do you open your heart after heartbreak?

How do you risk creating after failure?

How do you take the first step when all possible futures feel terrifyingly unknown and out of your control?

How do you win the battle against your fear?

I have an answer for you, but you might not like it. So I am going to keep it short and sweet and to the point.

Two simple words: You Don’t.

You cannot win against your fear. You will never eliminate it. You cannot extricate it from your being.

Fear is inevitable when you are following your deepest truth, because it will often ask you to change who you are being or what you believe, and the ego fears any change to your identity.

Fighting with your fear keeps you stopped, and that is exactly what your fear wants.

So long as you are fighting yourself, fear has won.

How do you move forward then, when fear has you in its grips?

First, stop fighting your fear. Stop making it wrong. Stop trying to push it away or pretend its not there. Full stop surrender. Put down your arms. Take off your armor. Call a truce.

Second, release the significance. Remember that your fear is simply your ego’s response to change. There is nothing wrong. You are a normal human with a normal ego, doing normal ego things.

Third, expand your awareness to hold your fear with love. Allow your fear to be a part of your experience, but remember it is not the whole of who you are. You are also a Soul in a human body. Allow yourself to be all of it.

Then, gently take the keys away from your ego, and give them back to your Soul. Ask your Soul what is the next step from here, and take it.

That’s it. Stop fighting with yourself. Have compassion. Find peace. Give the keys back to your Soul. Repeat.

xo,

Danielle

This week I want to share with you one of core messages I will be teaching at an upcoming workshop through the Law Courts Centre called Long Term Resilience and Avoiding Burnout.

Those of you who know my story, know that I have had quite the journey with law, from burnout, to overcoming an addiction, to transforming my relationship to the practice and the profession and creating alternate career arrangements that work for me and allow me to pursue other interests that I love.

When I hit my first breaking point with law and started a blog called Trash Your Stress in early 2013, there was very little talk in the legal profession about burnout, and the mental and emotional health issues that many lawyers struggle with on a daily basis, often silently and alone. The stigma around the subject was so high, it was difficult to get people to talk about it.

Seven years later, many strides have been made to bring the conversation out into the open. While the stigma around “being weak” and “not being able to hack it” is still there, it is much less. Resources for support are abundant and there is more willingness to ask for help.

The issue I see is that the approach to preventing burnout is often surface level. The typical problems (stress, overwhelm, unhealthy coping mechanisms, poor self-care, anxiety) are addressed with generic solutions (the most common being eat healthy, exercise, get more sleep, work less, take more breaks, meditate, start a fun hobby).  

First, let me say that there is nothing wrong with focusing on basic self-care. It is often helpful, and in more severe cases of burnout, a necessary first step to any intervention.

What I take issue with is this approach does not account for each person being unique. Generic cure-all solutions will not work for everyone or every situation. In addition, what often happens is the prescribed self-care solutions become “shoulds”. They get added to an already overflowing to-do list, and the person struggling begins to feel even more overwhelmed than ever.

When this happens a whole host of other issues arise:

• Behaviour change is not be sustainable

• Risk of relapse to unhealthy behaviours and habits increases

• Trust in self is eroded

• Negative emotions and hopelessness increase making burnout even more likely

The reason for these unintended results is that a basic self-care approach (or any one-size fits all fix) does not address the root cause of burnout.

So, what is the root cause of burnout?

The root cause of burnout is being out of integrity with your own truth.

Here is an example:

You are stressed out, over-eating and not sleeping well. You are having trouble being productive at work. Your to-do list gets bigger, and time seems to disappear before your eyes. Things begin to look bleak. You start drinking more in the evenings to try to cut the anxiety so you can fall asleep.

Burnout is approaching. You can feel it.

The basic self-care approach tells you to have discipline. Make healthier food choices, cut out alcohol and meditate instead to clear your mind before bed. Go for a walk around the block at work when you feel unfocused and come back refreshed. In no time you will be healthy and back on track.

You try this approach but can’t seem to break the habit of overeating and meditating never works as well as a stiff drink to cut the anxiety before bed. A walk around the block during the day only increases your anxiety as you watch the time disappear with you getting even less done. You buy a coffee and some baked goods on the way back to the office hoping the sugar and caffeine will help you get things done. You end up with sky high anxiety and need a couple extra drinks to quiet your mind before bed. You hate yourself for being so “undisciplined”. You feel hopeless. You are heading for burnout even faster than before.

The problem is not that you are not disciplined. The problem is you are trying to treat the symptoms when you are unaware of the cause.

The root cause of the issues you are struggling with might be unprocessed grief of a relationship that recently ended, it might be vicarious trauma picked up from a client or a friend, it might be low self-worth, it might be worries about making a mistake at work, it might be unexpressed anger about not being respected or adequately appreciated, it could be a deeper existential angst and a desire to engage in meaningful work, etc. The possible causes are endless and they will be different for everyone.

Only you can determine what the cause is for you in any particular situation, by going inward and getting in touch with your own truth.

Until you become aware of the root cause(s) of your struggles by looking deep within yourself, you will never be able to sustainably overcome them.

Burnout is prevented by you taking action to bring yourself back into integrity with your own truth.

Join me on Tuesday March 10, 2020 for an engaging workshop where we will dive into this important issue, as well as a discussion around how to build long term resilience in high stress environments, and an exercise to apply these principles at home.

The workshop is open to the public. If you are a lawyer, you will receive 2 hours of CPD credits (ethics and professionalism requirement) for your attendance. There is no fee, but a donation of $25 to the Amici Curiae Friendship Society is recommended for their hospitality.

More info and to register here.

Please reach out with any questions, and please share widely with anyone you think may benefit. Working in a high stress profession can be exciting and rewarding, but it is not always easy. Learning how to stay true to yourself in it makes all the difference.

Xo,

Danielle

One of the main reasons people give for not pursuing their passions, and not taking care of their basic well-being is, “Well I would, but, I don’t have enough time.”

I have said this very thing many times in my own journey. What I have learned is, the only way to solve this lack of time problem, is to stop letting yourself get away with that excuse.

Yes, I said it. It is an excuse.

It may be sneaky one. A socially acceptable one. A culturally endorsed and encouraged one. But it is still just that: an excuse.

If you repeatedly find yourself with no time (or no energy - which is also an excuse) to do the things you really want to be doing, stop RIGHT now, look yourself in the mirror, and ask yourself this:

Who (or what) am I giving my precious time (and energy) away to?

The most important word in that sentence being I (i.e. You).

You are the one who is choosing. You are the one who is deciding how to spend your time every day. You are the one who will choose how to spend it tomorrow.

Stop giving your agency and your power away.

Stop buying your own stories and justifications for why you have to and why you must and why you should.

Admit to yourself that you are the one who is choosing, and ask yourself honestly: Is this how I want to be spending my time? If not, am I willing to make a different choice?

If you find yourself willing to choose something different, start small. Choose one thing that you would love to make time for every day, and then, again, ask yourself honestly: What will it take to create the time for this, today?

It may be you need to say no to something or someone else. It may be you need to get some of your other procrastinating habits in check. It may be you need to cut out an indulgence or an escapist behaviour (watching TV, scrolling social media, etc.) It may be you need to share with someone else and ask them to keep you accountable.

Whatever it is that needs to be done to create space for the thing you really want to do, do it. Do it just this once. Today. Now.

Seriously, do it right now. Create the time for yourself to do the thing you have been avoiding today.

I challenge you to just do it.

Do it. Let yourself enjoy it. See how it feels at the end of the day knowing you are in integrity with you.

Let the power of your inner alignment fuel you to create time for what matters to you again tomorrow.

This is how you take back your time.

You use discernment. You choose your own deepest truth first. Moment by moment. Choice by choice.

And it all starts by admitting to yourself that you have the power to take back your time, right now, and any time you choose to.

Happy choosing!

Xo,

Danielle